Over 200 pairs of eyes are glued to me as a spirited child screams, “ORDER ME MY MEAL NOW!”
This child has refused to order his own hamburger (as he has done many times before) and when I calmly tell him he can either order it himself, or go home without his burger, he goes completely berserk. Yes, I have entered into a “food fare nightmare”—with my formidable opponent, an eight year old child.

I feel my cheeks flush as public onlookers wait in complete stunned silence to see who will win—the big one or the little one?

The Four Parenting Keys to Taming Your Spirited Child

Surprisingly, over my years as a family counselor, I have come to love working with spirited children. These children have a fire in their belly, a spark in their eye and a feisty attitude that assures their future in walking to the beat of their own drum instead of blindly following the crowd—a trait many parents hope for during the teen years. Yet that day in the food fare I was worn out, embarrassed and on the verge of saying “I quit!”

Raising your spirited child can be exhausting. Fortunately for me, I learned some commonsense parenting tools that eliminated nearly all future fights. Allow me to share some of these parenting tips that can support your efforts in taming your spirited child.

Raising your spirited child with these four parenting tips can help you navigate the emotional mine field successfully:

1. Use consistency. Follow through on EVERYTHING you say. Spirited children are gifted at manipulating “chances” and finding loopholes to obtaining exactly what they want. Hold your ground as calmly and firmly as possible—whatever you do, don’t back down.

2. Talk less and act more. This works well, because when you get into a debate with a spirited child you are certain to lose! This is why in my “food fare nightmare” example above I gave two simple options; to order the hamburger or go home without it (the talking less part); and then silently waited (the action part).

3. Develop patience. Waiting out a fight without saying anything (especially if a temper tantrum erupts in public) can be one of the most difficult, yet important, things you ever do as a parent. Spirited children are bright—they know that the biggest weapon in their arsenal is to push your embarrassment button. Swallow your pride—do not cave in just because you think you look bad in public. Remember if you cave in, your child will learn to use this trump card every time they want their way in a public setting.

4. Take time out for yourself. Parenting children is exhausting (especially a feisty child). Find little ways to take time out yourself (share child care with a friend, hire a babysitter more, use extra hours at daycare) so you will have more energy and patience to draw from during the trying situations.

What Does the Future Hold for Your Spirited Child?

These commonsense parenting tools tame the negative opposition, but let their beautiful spirit flourish. If you attempt to use traditional discipline practices and make your child do what you want, you face an un-winnable uphill battle.

Fortunately, commonsense parenting does not mean letting your child get away with murder! A commonsense approach uses firm boundaries, mutual respect and discipline—teaching a child to naturally learn and grow from their mistakes rather than fight you every step of the way.

In the midst of your next fight, you may wonder if there will be an end to the madness. I am here to tell you that there will be a resolution to your current dramas. In my case, these tips allowed me to triumph and actually enjoy raising a spirited child.

This same child who gave award-winning temper tantrum performances in public and could bring me to my knees is now a responsible, respectful and enjoyable 17 year old college student whose year ahead is completely paid by scholarships won. For me and him, we both won in the end. May it also be the same for you.

When taming your spirited child remember to keep the faith, learn commonsense parenting tips and know that eventually if you follow the basic principles above “this too shall pass.”

Parents’ Day is right around the corner and what better way to celebrate than with some funny and humorous parenting quotes? After all, if there’s one thing parents deserve, it’s a good laugh every now and then. These 18 hilarious parenting quotes are sure to crack smiles on the faces of moms and dads everywhere.

1. “A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.” ~ Russell Lynes

2. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” ~ Lane Olinhouse

3. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ~ Erma Bombeck

4. “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” ~ Bill Cosby

5. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” ~ Franklin P. Jones

6. “Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.” ~ Doug Larson.

7. “A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.” ~ Bill Vaughan.

8. “In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice.” ~ Charles Dickens

9. “It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.” ~ Ben Bergor

10. “The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” ~ Author Unknown

11. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” ~ Michelle Pfeiffer

12. “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby

13. “Mothers are all slightly insane.” ~ J.D. Salinger

14. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” ~ Calvin Trillin

15. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” ~ Milton Berle

16. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” ~ Ed Asner

17. “Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.” ~ Peter Ustinov

18. “Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.” ~ Joyce Armor

Rebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin’s screaming. Whenever someone didn’t do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring him, taking away toys and taking away events, such as a birthday party. A couple of times she had lost it and screamed back at him. Nothing was working to get Kevin to stop screaming. Even though screaming didn’t work for him to get his way, he kept doing it.

As Rebecca and I discussed it in a phone session, it became apparent to me that Kevin and Rebecca were stuck in a power struggle, with Rebecca trying to get Kevin to stop screaming and Kevin doing everything he could to resist being controlled. We needed another tactic.

“Rebecca, the next time Kevin screams, do what I call ‘prescribing the symptom.’ This means that you say to Kevin something like, “Kevin, maybe you are not screaming loud enough. Maybe if you scream louder, you will get what you want.” You need to say it in a light tone of voice, with no anger. Almost matter-of-factly.”

The next time Kevin screamed, Rebecca did exactly that.

“Kevin looked at me like ‘are you kidding me?’ and screamed louder. So I told him that it must not be loud enough, so he screamed louder. When I told him it still wasn’t loud enough, he looked at me like I was nuts and stopped screaming. He hasn’t screamed like that since!”

So what happened here? What happened is that Kevin was screaming to not be controlled by Rebecca, as well as hoping to get his way. When she actually told him to scream, the only way he could not be controlled by her was to stop screaming! Her prescribing the symptom also pointed out to him the absurdity of screaming to get his way.

Prescribing the symptom can work for many behaviors:

“Maybe if you whine even more, you will get what you want.”

“I don’t think your temper tantrum is quite doing it. Maybe if you kick harder and cry louder, you will get what you want. I’m sure you can do better than this.”

“You know, that’s a pretty good pout. But it’s not quite good enough. Maybe if you pout even more you can get what you want.”

“You are putting up a pretty good argument. Maybe if you argue longer and louder, you will get what you want.”

You need to be sure that you do this right away, before you feel angry or frustrated. You need to be able to keep it light. It is important for your child to see you calm rather than flustered. Sometimes kids act out just to feel the sense of control over their parents’ behavior when their parents get angry and flustered. It can give children a sense of power to upset people so much bigger than them.

Fortunately or unfortunately, prescribing the symptom can work with adults too – adults who are acting like kids and going into resistance. Many people automatically resist as soon as they think someone is trying to control them and prescribing the symptom can work wonders with these resistant people.

It might even work with your self. If you find yourself reaching for the box of cookies when you have vowed to lose weight, telling yourself that maybe eating the whole box will make you feel better and solve whatever problem or feelings you are trying to avoid with the cookies might just stop you in your tracks, as it did with Kevin!

Law of Attraction and Effective Parenting

Struggle is not part of the natural order of life. One never sees a cherry tree struggle to produce blossoms when given the right environment. Why? Because the tree is simply following its purpose—its basic nature. Fortunately, struggle does not have to be part of the parenting equation either. This is good news for many parents because if we choose to use the law of attraction we can experience a happier, more peaceful and respectful home. Yes, this can even mean eliminating award-winning temper tantrums for good. Sound too good to be true? Read on.
What is Attraction Parenting?

Attraction parenting employs the principle that the behavior we experience in our home we have attracted to us by our thoughts, deeds and actions. You see, the people around us, especially those closest to us (like our children), simply reflect and respond to our own feelings and actions. As much as we would like to blame our kids for their behavior (especially when they are pushing every button we have, plus some we never knew we had!), generally our kids’ only mirror what is going on within us.

So, if your kids currently have you spluttering and dog-paddling in the “parenting deep end”, it may be time to ask yourself:

- How am I contributing to my kids behavior? (Gulp!)
- Are my kids responding to my lack of patience and skyrocketing stress?
- Are my children desperately seeking quality time with me because I haven’t been giving them much special time lately?
- Are my kids no fun to be around because frankly, I am not fun to be around?

Answering these questions truthfully can quickly get to the root cause of their misbehavior.

The Six Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tips

There are six parenting tips below that can positively transform any household of chaos, frustration and stress into harmony, joy and peace.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #1 – You are modeling for your children how to behave each moment of every day

Children watch what we do far more than they listen to what we say. Thus, if you yell at them to be quiet, push them to do what you want them to do, and use a disrespectful tone when frustrated—you only teach them how to treat you. Stop! Take a breath and make a commitment to walk your talk. Model for your child how a happy, healthy and sane human being looks, talks and acts. Then watch them follow your lead.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #2 – You are your child’s most powerful self-esteem mirror

Your child seeks approval from you more than anyone else. You are the mirror that tells them how deserving or unworthy they are. They will believe whatever you reflect to them—positive or negative! Overt and even subtle put-downs can be devastating to their sense of self-worth and wellbeing. When a child has low self-esteem they will often act out, misbehave and drive you nuts! By using the power of positive words and actions to encourage, rather than discourage, you can be a beacon of light illuminating your child’s worth. This gift of positive mirroring can inspire your child to believe in themselves, follow their passions and ultimately be someone who is a delight to be around. Therefore, choose to reflect your child’s brilliance, special god-given talents, and worth by being grateful for what they are and do.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #3 – The more you focus on the positives of your child, the more you will experience them

One of the most powerful aspects of the law of attraction is that whatever you focus on, expands. Thus, if you spend much of the day nagging about all the things your child isn’t doing, or all the bad things your child is doing, you simply attract more of these frustrating experiences to you. Instead, we can take affirmative steps to create the behaviors we want by simply noticing and being grateful for what we do like. One of my favorite parenting gratitude techniques is what I call the “Dog Factor!” You know how dogs unconditionally show us love and affection—greeting us at the door enthusiastically, whether we‘ve been gone for two days or two minutes? Well, apply this approach to your own family. Beam with love when they come home or when they enter the room. Remember that no matter what you are experiencing right now with your family, there are thousands of people in this world (like those who can’t have kids!) who would gladly trade places with you.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #4 – Discipline only teaches children to do better next time, when they feel better

This is probably the most difficult parenting tip to accept. Discipline doesn’t have to feel bad to be effective. In fact, most discipline that is based on punitive punishment (things like yelling and taking away privileges), only teaches our kids to lie, and not get caught next time! You reap what you sow. Thus, if your punishment is focused on rehashing all the bad things your child has done, you are only attracting more of this bad behavior to you in the near future.

For discipline to really inspire children to do better next time it needs to:

1. Be respectful
2. Focus on the solution (and how to do better next time)

By filling our home with gratitude for all we do have and with positive words and actions, we can begin to experience more pleasant interactions and actively create the family life of our dreams.

Every parent knows that shopping with children can be very challenging. Tantrums can be excruciatingly plentiful in the shortest of shopping trips. However, parents can ensure a more peaceful supermarket excursion with the following guidelines.

1. If you’re planning to shop with your children, plan it ahead. Determine beforehand where you’ll be going and what you’ll be looking for. Inform your children the kind of shopping trip they can expect. But if your kid is not especially comfortable in supermarkets and tends to get cranky every three minutes, then it’s best to go shopping alone.

2. Shopping with your kids can be totally stressing. Before you go ahead with that shopping trip, be sure that you aren’t stressed out yourself, have eaten something and have the patience needed to survive the trip. Shopping with the kids is also easier if the children are well-rested and have been fed.

3. Shopping with children also mean that you have to be attentive to their needs. They might get hungry or thirsty so be sure to have a snack or drink on hand. Children may also be intimidated by the supermarket crowd and be overwhelmed by the surroundings, most especially when activity in the stores are hectic. Give them a reassuring hug once in a while.

4. Since children are innately curious beings, they might want to reach out for every colorful item that takes their fancy and play with it. Instead of scolding them, teach them how to hold it safely or inform them gently that they can only look at it and not touch it. While the item may not necessarily be part of your shopping list, it’s helpful to share in the child’s interest in it and explain what it is, what it is for and why it can’t go into the cart

5. If you’re shopping with pre-school children, get them involved in counting and choosing items. This will be a learning experience for them and would also keep their attention away from other unnecessary activities like reaching out for items you don’t have a need for.

6. When your children want something they can’t have, saying no without being subjected to temper tantrums can be mighty difficult. It might help to promise the kids that they can have it the next time you go shopping, but only when they promise to be good. When turning down your children, be sure to accompany the act with a smile and a hug.

7. If you have reached your limit, deal with your negative emotions positively. Go outside with your children, get refreshed and enjoy a few minutes of fresh air away from the shopping crowds. This will improve your shopping mood greatly.

8. If after all the well-meaning suggestions have been put to use and you still cannot stop your child from throwing tantrums, don’t force it. Postpone your shopping and tend to your child who might be feeling exhausted and just wants to go home. Pushing it would only lead to more stressful situations.

Shopping with children could be an unnerving experience. But by working their way around it and setting the pace appropriately, parents will find that even with the youngest child, shopping can be enjoyable. Plus, shopping is also a good opportunity for them to connect with their kids.

I remember it well.

My oldest son was a tiny little toddler, full of spunk. I was still a newbie mom, delighted that my precious son was healthy and thriving. We were enjoying each new day together, lulled into the luscious sense that we were buddies. You know, on-the-same-side.

Parenting Tip 101: when they’re cute and happy…beware.

As you are about to find out, it really wasn’t my fault at all…I mean, how could I have even KNOWN what he was about to do?

Let me start at the beginning. The beginning of that day, not the beginning of his life. We did our morning thing at home. Breakfast, getting dressed, picking up toys (Round One for the day). I needed to go to the store for a few items so off we went, me with my list and him with his dry diaper.

Life was good. Life was SWEET.

(By the way, let me say now, as a parent that should be your first clue. When things are going well, really, really smoothly, look out. In fact, duck. Something big is coming.)

Anyway, back to my story.

My son and I arrived at the store where I deposited him gently into a waiting shopping cart. He immediately began the process of removing himself from the cart. I began the process of reinserting him into the cart.

I won. We began shopping.

Things actually went swimmingly for awhile. I collected the items I needed while Son #1 interested himself with the big wide world around him. Being a social child, people were one of his favorite toys. He smiled, he giggled, he reached out with his chubby little hand as other shoppers moved in and out of his visual range.

Did I mention life was sweet?

My first mistake was getting complacent. I know, I know, that’s a tactical error I would never have committed later on in my parenting career, but I was a newbie, remember? Little son seemed so happy I forgot how quickly the scenario could change. So I let my guard down and I actually…I’m ashamed to admit it…I BROWSED. I slowly and pleasurably went from item to item, savoring my tiny bit of adult time.

Son-boy caught on real fast.

His wide smile drooped, a little. He squirmed, more. His giggles took on a slight whiney quality.

But I was hooked. I was SHOPPING.

We did alright for a bit. But the kid’s non-existent patience was wearing thin. His giggles were totally gone now and he was talking to me, plaintively.

“Mommy. Mommy! MOMMMYYYYY!”

I tried to soothe him with one hand without diverting my attention from the racks of clothing I was picking through. In the back of my mind, I tried to gauge how long I had until his cries would become annoying and I would actually have to bless him with my undivided attention.

In reality, my son was way ahead of me.

Since his attempts to get my focus were not working, he upped the ante. Rummaging through his limited vocabulary, he discovered a treasure as immense as any buried in the Valley of the Kings. It was a big word, huge by his budding understanding and he didn’t even know what it meant. But he had heard it recently and it had come out of the mouth of an adult so it must be GOOD.

And now was the perfect time to try it out.

“Die-ree-uh! Die-ree-uh!”

My beautiful little son sang out his new word with all the gusto he could muster. Truly, he was nearly shrieking the word, and his clarity was astonishing.

More importantly, he now had my full and complete attention.

I put both my hands on either side of his round little face and shushed him gently.

No change.

I got firmer, scrunching my face in my fiercest ‘no’ expression and shaking my head strongly.

Nada. Zilch response on the positive scale.

So I did what any good parent would do in the same situation. I ditched the cart and contents, grabbed the kid and made for the store exit.

‘Die-ree-uh’ and I swooped through the door and into the sunlight, which magically transformed him instantly.

“Mommy done?” he asked pleasantly.

“Oh yah,” I replied, humbled by his self-control. “Mommy done shopping for the next 18 years.”

As I cuddled him into his car seat, I laughed at myself. I had a lot to learn about influencing my son’s behavior and he apparently was born knowing how to control mine.

Parenting Tip 102: don’t let size fool you.

Becoming a parent, especially for the first time, is an exciting but scary experience. You’ll be entering a whole new world where different rules apply, and no matter how prepared you think you are, there’s usually little you’ve experienced before which you can draw on when making the choices and snap decisions that will become a major part of your life once the little one arrives.

It’s for this reason that there’s an abundance of parenting advice available which you can use to inform your decisions. There are print magazines packed with useful advice, web sites with tons of articles to peruse, not to mention the well meaning but sometimes irritating advice and opinions of family and friends. Despite all this information being available, most parents are terrified that they’re somehow not up to the job and will do it wrong, and herein lies the most common parenting mistake of all: not trusting in your own judgment and instincts.

However intimidating the prospect is of having ultimate responsibility for the nurture of a new and precious life, you should be in no doubt that you have exactly the skills and capabilities you’ll need over the coming years.

Think about it. As human beings, we’re all parenting specialists. In evolutionary and genetic terms, our whole existence is geared towards producing and nurturing offspring, and over the millions of years that the human species has been developing we’ve become generally incredibly good at it. You only need to watch a mother and child together to know that however difficult the process may seem, bringing up a child is the most natural thing in the world, and something for which each and every parent to be has the necessary skills to make a success of it if they make it their number one focus.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should ignore all advice. After all, the experience handed down from generation to generation is absolutely vital and is how civilization developed in the first place. Not one of us has all the answers, we all need input from others in all kinds of situations.

But trust in your own capabilities as a parent above all else, and trust in your own ability to make the best of all the advice and support that’s out there. That way you’ll definitely be the best parent your child could ever have.

Parenting is a great word – one that evokes both immense joy and fear. You cannot feel the joy without having foreboding thoughts about whether you would be able to handle the huge responsibility that God has entrusted you with. Can I be a good parent? This is one of the questions on the top of every parent’s head; no matter how self-assured they look.

What Parenting Method Is the Best?

There are four major types of parenting, i.e. (i) uninvolved, (ii) indulgent, (iii) authoritarian and (iv) authoritative. Though some of these parenting methods can be learnt and absorbed, it usually happens naturally – depending upon the innate nature with which the parent is born. Before we learn and decide which one of these parenting methods is the best, let us understand each one of them.

Uninvolved Parent

This parenting method is usually reflected when the parent(s) do not really bother about what is going on in the life of the child. They provide the minimum necessities and do not bother about the psychological needs of the child. This type of parent has neither any demands nor response. The child is an incidental thing in the house.

Indulgent Parent

These types of parents are always there ready to do anything the child wants even before they ask for something. They take joy from being there all the time and have very few demands if any on the child. Here you will find two divisions – there are parents who like to consider their children as their friends and allow them liberties as they grow, and the other type, which allows the child to do as he/she pleases in the belief, that at the right time they will grow out of it and become responsible adults.

Authoritarian Parent

This type of parent is dictatorial. The child has no rights, no capacity to think what is right or wrong for him and hence, all the decisions need to be taken by the parent. Further, the child should unflinchingly obey all the rules that they impose. In this type too, there are two divisions, i.e. parents that recognize and accept certain boundaries that the child erects with age; and the other is who is overly intrusive and demanding.

Authoritative Parent

This is the most accepted parenting method. It involves being both demanding and responsive at the same time, which in turn keeps the parent in constant touch with the feelings, ambitions, fears and hopes of the child. This type of parent is like a rock in the child’s life and at the same time is capable of instilling in him the core values of life.

Now, look at each of these descriptions and find out which type you are currently and which areas you want to improve in.

If you are a parent in the 21st century, it is not possible to stay unaffected about sex education and your children. There is a lot of sex and sex related material and scenes that the child is constantly exposed to from a very tender age. Sooner or later, he or she becomes curious and seeks answers to questions relating sex, their own existence and the correlation of animals’ birth rituals and their own.

A Critical Parenting Question – Talking about Sex

This is one parenting question that has bothered parents from time immemorial. This is because when you try to explain how children are made, you know that the child will conjure a picture of you and your partner having sex. However, it is true that sex-education should be imparted to the children from a very tender age. What exactly should that tender age be is a controversial parenting question, but some think it should start as early as the child is aware about his body parts.

Sex education is not always about sex. It is, in most cases, about bringing about awareness that the body is sacred and that it totally belongs to the child. Once this basic concept is instilled, then sex education has a solid platform/ foundation to build upon. As the child grows, the function of each part of the body should be explained in simple terms. The aim of this exercise should be to make the child comfortable with the parts of the body and internalize that there is no such thing as ‘shameful parts’.

You will find that the most common parenting question here is on how to teach the child about the right and wrong touch. This is one parenting question, which is indeed critical to answer. Research says that children are born with an alarm that usually goes off when things begin to go wrong. What parents should teach their child is to listen to that alarm, and take immediate action when it goes off.

Children are basically shy and respectful of adults. Hence, unless so taught, they might not raise an alarm even when they feel there is something very wrong in the way they are handled. By letting them know that it is not only okay to talk to your parents about anything, it is highly recommended and something that will make their parents be able to ward off the danger and keep them safe.

Parenting is a very complex and demanding job that cannot really be taken for granted. Although you may just be dealing with a child or two, the demands of parenting can be very stressful. If you are one of those parents who are overwhelmed with how to deal with your child, you might want to consider recruiting the help of a parenting coach.

The good thing about getting a parenting coach is that you have someone to help you go through some difficult situations with your child and at the same time learn some new tricks on how to deal with different types of parenting issues.

What You should Look for in a Parenting Coach

One of the most obvious things that you should look for in a parenting coach is that the parenting coach should have children of his or her own. When it comes to parenting, hands-on experience is simply the best way to learn things. No matter how many PhD a parenting coach has, he or she will never understand fully how it is to have kids unless he or she had successfully raised kids of his or her own.

To help you get a good idea of how the coach deals will his or her own kids, you should visit the parenting coach at home and meet his or her kids. Observe how the parenting coach deals with his or her kids. If the kids are happy and very much at home with the parenting coach, then you can rely on that person to give you good advice on how to raise your own kids.

Your parenting coach must be genuinely interested in children. One can only deal with children correctly if one is really interesting on how children feel. Raising kids is all about understanding what is going on the head of the kids so it is very important that you get a parenting coach who loves kids. Thus, before you hire a parenting coach, make sure that you observe him or her while she deals with kids.

Another thing that you should look for when looking for a parenting coach is that he or she should have a sense of humor. When it comes to raising kids, sense of humor is definitely a saving grace. If you can learn to laugh instead of scream in frustration when your kids mess around the house, you have a big chance of surviving parenthood.